My born again virginity is about to go…

Back at my condo, I try to avoid the inevitable. He is looking at me. He knows. He knows how I feel. He sees me melting. He sees my walls going down. Do not kiss him. Do not hug him. But I do. I know his kiss. I know his taste. I have tasted him in my dreams. I have been in his arms many times. His smell is familiar. This isn’t the first time I have kissed him. Don’t analyze this. It is mystical. Mystical is wonderful.

What is a guy like him going to want to do with this silly show? He is smoking a cigar? That is so much better. He is going to help me with the food I made and bringing it to the car. How sweet! Ask again, it is a text so it isn’t as real….And now he is coming! Yay. I get to spend some time with him! No wait! My daughter! Ummm, now what? He is in the shower. Hmmm, there are those intimate thoughts again! Stop thinking that way! Get ready.

The restaurant show is fun and silly. It is important for me to make a fun and memorable night for my daughter. I get the hats and feather piece for my hair. Its fun and silly and there is his hand again on my back during dinner. There is that electricity again. He isn’t just touching my back. What a wonderful man this is next to me. Why do I feel this way? Similar lives in some way. I know the way he moves his body. I know his voice. I can see the pain of his heart. I know I cant fix it as he will be scarred, like you, but I can make him know how special he is. I can feel his soul and his goodness in every touch. I can feel his authenticity.   I know he is honest. This gentle man has had his share of heartache. Lets get out of here and go back to the hotel and explore this mystery. Even if only for a minute of time in this life.

Back at his condo. Music is an vital part of creating a moment. And the first song to come on? Nickleback Photograph…my husbands favorite song. Oh dead hubby what are you telling me? We talk. Evanescence. Bring me to life. The song I implore someone to do to me. His dead wife had sentiments to that song as well. Are our dead spouses talking to us bringing us together?  All I have ever sought was for someone to bring me back to life. Now that I know what you’re about, you can’t just leave me. Don’t leave me. Not tonight. I feel like I am falling into something. An abyss of sorts. Love? No…Knowing that, if I was this is exactly how I would want it to be. Maybe I am for now. Let it happen. He is so extraordinary. And he doesn’t even know it!

My head fits into his shoulder. Home. I feel like am home. I am touched by the music stirring gentle vibrations in my soul, the smell of his cigar inflames my sense of smell, the feel of his shirt on my face kindles my sense of touch, the soft kisses he gives me awakens my sense of desire. Unlock me.

My whole body was his, my mind belonged to him, and my soul belonged to him. This moment was ours. Unraveled and loosened is what he was doing to me.

Reality. What did I do? How could I let myself get carried away? I have to get out of here. His arms around me feel amazing. Strong and independent!! I cannot become dependent on being held by him. Just stay a little while longer.

Safe…secure….loved….loving….No…it is to much for one night.No one except the doctors has seen my new architecturally different body.  I had no shame. I need to breathe….Good night my new love…Wow..


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